Saturday, January 10, 2009

Wait - My iPhone Can Do WHAAAT?

Since getting an iPhone this summer, and becoming obsessed with it, as I do with any and all gadget-related things in my life (if only other pursuits were able to harness the fury with which I lust after gadgets, I'd probably be living a much more well-rounded life, but I digress), I have found a few websites to keep track of new apps and cool stuff you can add to your phone to make it more useful, fun, or what-have-you. One I check regularly is called AppShopper, and it does a really great job of charting price drops and increases, updates, new apps, and everything else that might fluctuate within the Apple App Store ecosystem.

But since the advent of the App Store, there have been so many shitty, SHITTY, worthless, dog barf apps that have come out, you often have to wade through a sea of runny 'rhea to get to that diamond in the rough, especially if it's something new that no one's downloaded, crapped their pants over, and reviewed on iTunes already. I finished my work for today, and headed over to check out some new stuff, and thought I'd just drop in to share some of today's highlights with you.

First up is this piece of shit, which caught my eye not because of the busted-ass whore in the slutty schoolgirl garb, or for the idea that I could prank(!) my friends, but because of the "attractive brown background" update. Make a note of that one.

Then there's Baby Sign ASL, which is a way for you to teach your young child some of the basics of American Sign Language. I'm sure this is a great way to communicate early on with your youngster, hearing-impaired or not, except that this little girl is throwing the metal horns, and looking like she's about to eat your face while rocking out to some Sabbath.

Because if you're a total moron idiot with no social tact or grace, simply ponying up for an iPhone and this app will suddenly yield you the keys to the Fuck Kingdom on DoinIt Mountain.

For the girls that need to ferret out (verb choice deliberate) the users of the application listed above.

Did YOU know cups were amazing? I mean, sure, they hold our drinks, and possibly small snacks like candy and delicious Bugles, and I saw a hobo make one into a totally effective megaphone on the streets of San Francisco last week, but AMAZING? Well, fuck me sideways and call me Sally, because there it is, plain as day. And look! Now "free mode" won't be so buggy when I play it! Awesome!

Ah, the simple joys of a guessing game. Great for children to learn numbers. Psst - you know what else is great for children to learn numbers? PARENTING AND SCHOOL.

And since Apple started allowing slightly NSFW apps in the store, we have an absolute DELUGE of crap like this:

If, quite simply, you LUV to fart.

If you don't LUV it, but you want people to think you did it. Which makes no sense at all.

For getting to the bottom of those fart mysteries that surround us all.

And this, for people who like to fart while painting the sky on mescaline.

Sadly, I could do this all night.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

To Tweet Or Not To Tweet...

I've resisted the urge to use Twitter for a long time. A REALLY long time, especially in the tech world. I just didn't see the point. My life is not that interesting, and no one really cares when I've just eaten a delicious sandwich or what I'm watching on TV. Then someone I know and like sent me a request to follow her. So I picked up an account over there, and decided to actually check it out.

For about 15 seconds. I finally decided at least I could cyber-squat my name, so no one else could snatch it if I did, at some point, decide I wanted to use the service. I went as far to install an app on my iPhone, and it was cool, but I couldn't see myself using it at all, despite how amazingly awesome the rest of the world (read: podcasts I listen to about geek shit) said it was.

Then I remember Colleen saying something about having thoughts about starting it, being on the fence or something, and it was floating around my head for a few days...

Then I had an idea today on the way home from work. I was quietly lamenting the fact that I post here so infrequently these days, due to a litany of personal responsibilities, and audibly (at least to anyone sitting in my car, which happened to be no one, but could have been someone if we're all believing in ghosts and crap like that, or my multiple personalities) bemoaning the fact that I have so many short, angry, funny thoughts throughout the day that never manifest themselves into much more than a sly chuckle, let alone a full-on blog post. And it hit me all at once, like a fat kid hits a Ben and Jerry's stand on a hot summer day.

I could use Twitter to post all the little stupid crap that's not really worth writing a whole post here about, and feel like I put it somewhere, so that MAYBE, if some of my readers, and I know there are few, wanted to follow my insane rantings on a more regular basis, they could. I feel absolutely honored when you guys say things like "we wish you'd post more often" or something like that, and this way, I could exorcise those tiny demons and give you something in the process. So I'm going to give it a whirl and I'm going to try some different things, possibly maybe hooking it up to this blog right here if I can with some techie voodoo trickery or whatever. (EDIT: one quick Google search, and 5 minutes, and BAM! New widget up on the right so you can read the silly short stuff too, if you don't feel like Twittering with me. YEAH!)

And if you were just saying that stuff about me posting more to be nice, well fuck y'all, because now it just blew up in your faces! Yeah!

But no, seriously, if you really feel that way, that's awesome and you rule. And like I said, if not, see above.

And if you want to give this whole thing a go with me, check me out here. Be sure and let me know if you're digging it, hate it, hate me, hate Earth, love cheese or pancakes, or basically anything else. I need a new quick diversion. Be my diversion.