Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Are You Still Here?

Like a guest leaving waaaay too late from a party, you seem to be sticking around where you're not welcome anymore.

What the fuck is your problem?

Ha! Just kidding. If for some reason, the G0dz oF th3 iNt3rw3Bs won't let you automatically hop on over to the new site (anti-redirect features in your browser, perhaps?) then be sure and click this link to check out all the new, fresh, minty goodness at the updated SynCyn site:

I know for a fact that after I put the code into the page, I tried it in Firefox on a Mac, and it said that it blocked the page from moving, but gave me the "Allow" button in the upper right. It's SUPPOSED to just work, but if you're reading this, clearly it hasn't.

So what are you waiting for? You're missing the party!

See? Bookends. One party ends, and a new one begins. Only the new party's going to have more attitude. Like Dylan McKay on a bender. You gonna let Brenda mouth off like that? Hell no. You're Dylan fucking McKay. *swigs liquor* SLAP!

See you at the new site, y'all.

Monday, January 26, 2009

He's All Growed Up.

The move to the new server is complete. I give you the new, and soon-to-be-improved Synaptic Cynicism.

I'm not wild about the themes I found, but I'll work on it. In the meantime, update your RSS readers if that's how you get the "news", and I say that word with the loosest possible meaning implied. I'll be dropping a delayed re-direct in here at some point, but in the meantime, please visit the new site and let me know what you think. I tried to mimic the layout as closely as possible, although I have better Twitter options, so you don't have to read all my replies to people and wonder what in the hell we're talking about. It's like one side of a phone conversation. Completely confusing.

Anyway, I'm thrilled to be changing shit up for now. Give it a little time, and I think it'll all work out. And if not, I'll chloroform you out behind the garage and leave you in the woods. Either way's cool with me.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Got Any Cardboard Boxes You Can Lend Me?

I'm preparing to move. Not in real life, mind you. HA! You silly - the economy is so assy right now, I'd be moving into a litter box that I share with two other cats. No, I'm prepping a SynCyn move - to a dedicated server! I purchased a domain name over the summer and haven't done anything with it since, but I think I'm ready to go for it, and I want to let everyone know that it's coming, so you can mentally ready yourself for the big day.

I will be working behind the scenes to make sure everything is going smoothly before I flip the switch, but hopefully it will be easy. I've been using that BlogBackupOnline tool since the inception of the blog, so I'm hoping I can just move all the posts in one large group, and since I used Photobucket for all the pics, I think everything will be in the code, which should make the transition easier (I think).

Anyway, I'll let you know when you need to update your RSS readers, if that's how you do this, but I'll be inserting a re-direct in the page code anyway (I think). Lots of (I think)s today. But yeah, hopefully, it'll be a seamless transition, and I can do more with the new tool set than here. Not that spending any more time on an endeavor this asinine is a good thing, but well, I like having control of things. So stay tuned for that one.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Just a quick thought: lately people have been starting to follow me on Twitter (yay) which is nice, because I feel like my inane ramblings won't flutter out into the void of the Internet and just die and turn to silicon dust without at least a few people having seen them. However, some of these people that are adding me are not exactly the kind of people I assumed would do so. And if I'm wrong about them, then man, that is O-to-the-motherfuckin'-K, and I apologize.

But I feel like some of it's Twitter spam (does such a thing exist? I assume so), and I don't want to block them, because I might be alienating someone who actually wanted to hear what I have to say (read: someone actually more mentally ill than I am myself, and someone to whom I am grateful) but I also could give two shits about what someone else thinks if the only reason they added me was so that they could have 12,137 followers instead of 12,136. You get me?

SO. If y'all would be so kind, do me a favor: if you find me on Twitter via this here blog, drop me a tiny note that says so, so I can welcome you properly and say thanks for the support! Much obliged. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to get back to a little show I like to call "excessive drinking on weeknights as a means of coping with the universe shitting on one's soul".

Smell ya later!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Wait - My iPhone Can Do WHAAAT?

Since getting an iPhone this summer, and becoming obsessed with it, as I do with any and all gadget-related things in my life (if only other pursuits were able to harness the fury with which I lust after gadgets, I'd probably be living a much more well-rounded life, but I digress), I have found a few websites to keep track of new apps and cool stuff you can add to your phone to make it more useful, fun, or what-have-you. One I check regularly is called AppShopper, and it does a really great job of charting price drops and increases, updates, new apps, and everything else that might fluctuate within the Apple App Store ecosystem.

But since the advent of the App Store, there have been so many shitty, SHITTY, worthless, dog barf apps that have come out, you often have to wade through a sea of runny 'rhea to get to that diamond in the rough, especially if it's something new that no one's downloaded, crapped their pants over, and reviewed on iTunes already. I finished my work for today, and headed over to check out some new stuff, and thought I'd just drop in to share some of today's highlights with you.

First up is this piece of shit, which caught my eye not because of the busted-ass whore in the slutty schoolgirl garb, or for the idea that I could prank(!) my friends, but because of the "attractive brown background" update. Make a note of that one.

Then there's Baby Sign ASL, which is a way for you to teach your young child some of the basics of American Sign Language. I'm sure this is a great way to communicate early on with your youngster, hearing-impaired or not, except that this little girl is throwing the metal horns, and looking like she's about to eat your face while rocking out to some Sabbath.

Because if you're a total moron idiot with no social tact or grace, simply ponying up for an iPhone and this app will suddenly yield you the keys to the Fuck Kingdom on DoinIt Mountain.

For the girls that need to ferret out (verb choice deliberate) the users of the application listed above.

Did YOU know cups were amazing? I mean, sure, they hold our drinks, and possibly small snacks like candy and delicious Bugles, and I saw a hobo make one into a totally effective megaphone on the streets of San Francisco last week, but AMAZING? Well, fuck me sideways and call me Sally, because there it is, plain as day. And look! Now "free mode" won't be so buggy when I play it! Awesome!

Ah, the simple joys of a guessing game. Great for children to learn numbers. Psst - you know what else is great for children to learn numbers? PARENTING AND SCHOOL.

And since Apple started allowing slightly NSFW apps in the store, we have an absolute DELUGE of crap like this:

If, quite simply, you LUV to fart.

If you don't LUV it, but you want people to think you did it. Which makes no sense at all.

For getting to the bottom of those fart mysteries that surround us all.

And this, for people who like to fart while painting the sky on mescaline.

Sadly, I could do this all night.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

To Tweet Or Not To Tweet...

I've resisted the urge to use Twitter for a long time. A REALLY long time, especially in the tech world. I just didn't see the point. My life is not that interesting, and no one really cares when I've just eaten a delicious sandwich or what I'm watching on TV. Then someone I know and like sent me a request to follow her. So I picked up an account over there, and decided to actually check it out.

For about 15 seconds. I finally decided at least I could cyber-squat my name, so no one else could snatch it if I did, at some point, decide I wanted to use the service. I went as far to install an app on my iPhone, and it was cool, but I couldn't see myself using it at all, despite how amazingly awesome the rest of the world (read: podcasts I listen to about geek shit) said it was.

Then I remember Colleen saying something about having thoughts about starting it, being on the fence or something, and it was floating around my head for a few days...

Then I had an idea today on the way home from work. I was quietly lamenting the fact that I post here so infrequently these days, due to a litany of personal responsibilities, and audibly (at least to anyone sitting in my car, which happened to be no one, but could have been someone if we're all believing in ghosts and crap like that, or my multiple personalities) bemoaning the fact that I have so many short, angry, funny thoughts throughout the day that never manifest themselves into much more than a sly chuckle, let alone a full-on blog post. And it hit me all at once, like a fat kid hits a Ben and Jerry's stand on a hot summer day.

I could use Twitter to post all the little stupid crap that's not really worth writing a whole post here about, and feel like I put it somewhere, so that MAYBE, if some of my readers, and I know there are few, wanted to follow my insane rantings on a more regular basis, they could. I feel absolutely honored when you guys say things like "we wish you'd post more often" or something like that, and this way, I could exorcise those tiny demons and give you something in the process. So I'm going to give it a whirl and I'm going to try some different things, possibly maybe hooking it up to this blog right here if I can with some techie voodoo trickery or whatever. (EDIT: one quick Google search, and 5 minutes, and BAM! New widget up on the right so you can read the silly short stuff too, if you don't feel like Twittering with me. YEAH!)

And if you were just saying that stuff about me posting more to be nice, well fuck y'all, because now it just blew up in your faces! Yeah!

But no, seriously, if you really feel that way, that's awesome and you rule. And like I said, if not, see above.

And if you want to give this whole thing a go with me, check me out here. Be sure and let me know if you're digging it, hate it, hate me, hate Earth, love cheese or pancakes, or basically anything else. I need a new quick diversion. Be my diversion.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Snuggie! aka Fashion FAIL

So I wasn't sure whether or not to put this video above or below the post, but I figured everyone should have the opportunity I had just now; that is to see it first, with virgin eyes, and then begin thinking about it.

I give you, The Snuggie.

*EDIT: I removed the video because I was tired of it autoplaying, and didn't feel like hearing it every time I checked on something. It was tormenting me. If you want to see it, click the link above.*

Now let's talk about this for a second.

Were you aware that blankets had become so woefully ineffective at guarding our frail human bodies against the evils of the dark winter demons? Last time I checked, my blankets were still fully functional, nor did they slip off of me, as they do in the beginning of the commercial, because I have the luxury of opposable thumbs, which apparently, this woman does not. Poor dear. In addition to that, if I want to reach for something, my hands are "trapped inside"! Damn it! I hate when my couch throws become sentient and refuse to release my appendages to do such common things as answer telephones and use a remote control, while they secretly plan my demise.

Thank heaven for the Snuggie. It's just in time to save humanity from the enslavement of nefarious blanket forces.

It's ostensibly a way to cover yourself up like a fruity little monk, because that's what the old dude totally looks like. The family's appearance, however, says something closer to "cult", where the board games and marshmallow roastings are pleasant diversions from the group's ultimate goals of spreading the good word of Jesus/alien overlords/Rachael Ray/etc by any means necessary. But it's good to know that you can cuddle your baby or pet without getting totally gross baby or pet juices and secretions all over your nice clothes. Fuck that.

No longer will the tyranny of having people mock you for fashion choices prevent you from living a normal life, because all your friends and acquaintances will have Snuggies too. The scene with the football game reminds me of Logan's Run, with everyone in their little future color suits and waiting for Carousel to "renew" them. Watch that movie at least once or twice, by the way. Sci-fi classic. But I digress. All the high-fiving in the world and general ebullience of a public sporting event can't change the fact that you look like a fucking alien trying to look normal in human society. I mean, if you are bat-shit crazy enough to wear this thing out of the house, you might as well just jerk your car into a ravine because you don't belong here. Also, everyone hates you. Even your friends.

That being said, I can totally see my mom getting behind a product like this, because she is always cold, and the kind of person that balls herself up on a couch to watch a movie and is sound asleep before the 8-minute mark. Being totally ensconced in a fleecey wonderland is probably her idea of paradise. But even she knows enough not to walk outside in it, even to say hello to a neighbor, because then her "secret" would be out.

So I am going to start drinking now, and hopefully will be able to do it enough to forget that I saw this commercial to begin with. I suggest you do the same, lest you be seduced by its warm warming warmingness. ORDER NOW!

(because you can, of course, get 2 for the price of 1, plus 2 little book light thingies.)

Oh - and sorry I didn't comment back at all on my last post - I had to fix something in my settings and wasn't getting notifications. Thanks to all who were nice enough to wish me well on this totally rad crap that happened.